2011 Oscars Red Carpet - Part 2

Grande Dames.

Y'know, the bitchery's just not flowing this morning, kittens. The ladies did pretty well last night, we have to say. But for you, we'll try to work something up. Bitchery's like phlegm that way; a couple good strong throat-clearings and the next thing you know, it's flying out your mouth.

And with THAT image implanted firmly in your mind's eye...

Amy Adams in L'Wren Scott Fall 2011

We almost cheered when we saw this. She's been going out in pale, too-tight dresses that don't suit her all throughout awards season and we've been there, standing in the virtual sidelines, and screaming, "AMY! Over here! JEWEL TONES, DEAR!" And bless her heart, the girl finally listened to us. This midnight blue looks spectacular on her. The dress fits her beautifully and we love the high collar and cap sleeves. We go back and forth on the jewelry. A dress like this didn't need such showy pieces, but we kind of love the pieces that were chosen. Not super-crazy about the hair. An up 'do would have made this look perfect.

Aishwarya Rai Bachchan in Armani Privé

Wow. If Aishwarya Rai is on the red carpet looking merely good, then something has gone awry. She's generally considered one of, if not THE, most beautiful women in the world. It's a nice dress, but it's not really setting her off the way it should. We think she should probably avoid bronzey metallics.

Busy Phillips in Douglas Hannant

It looks like cheap David's Bridal. The huge hip flounce and huge ruffle at the hem look ridiculous and totally obliterate her natural shape.

Ah. THERE'S the bitchery we've been waiting for.

Celine Dion in Elie Saab Couture

Pretty, but a little low-key for stage wear. Then again, the camera was barely on her during this sequence.

Florence Welch in Roksanda Ilincic Fall 2011

What a gorgeous color. We like the dress on her as stagewear; had she walked the RC in this dress, we'd probably ding it for being too close to her hair color. Still, it's gorgeous. We're suckers for a little opposing colors accessorizing so we wish she'd kept the blue sash.

Cheryl Hines in Johanna Johnson

It's fine, if standard. The hair's a bit close to Jesus, however.

Virginia Madsen in Romona Keveza

Crushed velvet and tissue paper does not an Oscar dress make, dear.

Cody Horn

Gorgeous dress, but we hate the gloves and think her (presumed) makeup and (nonexistent) hair style are ruining the look. It's the Oscars, sweetie. Pay someone to slap some color on your face and blow out your hair.

Dale Dickey

Don't love the hair and the dress is standard, but that color looks fantastic on her.

Gayle King

Jesus, Mary, and Oprah, WHAT is going ON here? She made you wear that, didn't she, Gayle? It's okay, you can tell us. Tell the court how the mean media mogul made you wear a dress that makes you look like a satin shamrock shake from McDonald's because she didn't want you looking any better than those who pay your salary.

Is it us, or is the draping on this thing totally random, with no thought of a human body?

Gwyneth Paltrow in Michael Kors Fall 2011

The performance was not bad. Not great, but not bad. We tend to think those who are savaging it the most this morning would have savaged her no matter how she did. We like the look. This is much better than the Calvin Klein she wore on the RC.

Helen Mirren in Vivienne Westwood

We're used to lauding her red carpet choices, but this may actually be our favorite thing she's ever worn. It gets a little askew at points, especially around her midsection, but the pewter color is simply amazing with her hair. Love the jewelry. An all-around great look and once again Queen Helen of Fuckinfantastica shows those younger bitches how it's done.

Helena Bonham Carter in Colleen Atwood

Aw, she really toned down the crazy. If it weren't for the shredded sleeves, we'd probably declare this safe and pretty. We like the velvet bodice and we love the purse that looks like a lace fan. It's a decent look. Quirky enough to still be HBC, but respectable enough to accept an Oscar in.

Mallika Sherawat in Marc Bouwer

Yawn.

Mandy Moore in Monique Lhuillier Resort 2011

We think this is way too much dress for any other situation, but if you're the voice of the latest Disney Princess and you're performing your standard Disney Princess love song at the Oscars, then this Disney Princess dress is the dress for you.

Marisa Tomei in Vintage Charles James

We wanted to like this, but we can't. First off, it doesn't seem to fit her all that well in the bust and bodice; second, that ridiculous flounce at the bottom makes her look like a member of the Munster wedding party; third, too shiney.

Melissa Leo in Marc Bouwer

We don't love this dress - in fact, we're pretty sure we hate it - but she's been going out in some truly heinous gowns throughout the awards season and this is such an obvious improvement that we can't really rip it too much.

But she really brought the crazy to her acceptance speech, right?

Halle Berry in Marchesa Fall 2011 [Modified Version]

It's a creamy confection of a dress. We're inclined to yawn at it, but we like that she went in this direction after wearing one too many sheer or skin-tight or short dresses on the RC. It all gets a little too cotton candy, though. We liked it better with the sleeves.

Oprah in Zac Posen

Oprah Boobfrey. Straight on, as she was facing the camera, her boobs looked like Mickey Mouse's ears. Not a great look for her.

Penelope Cruz in L'Wren Scott Spring 2011

It's just a little too disco-spicy for the Oscars. The center-parted hair does nothing for the look. Love the shade of red, though.

Sharon Stone in Christian Dior

SHARON STONE HASN'T EATEN IN 6 DAYS AND SHE WANTS YOU TO KNOW THAT.

She looks a little (okay, a LOT) deranged here, but is it wrong that we kind of love the over-the-top Cruelle de Ville dragginess of the whole thing? Sharon Stone is more of a red carpet spokesmodel than an actress now, so she brings all her performing skills to her fashion choices. We kind of like that. She could just go out looking like Helen Mirren all the time or she could try on a succession of personae every time she has an opportunity to dress for the public. She's like the Norma Desmond of the RC.

Sunrise Coigney in Jean Paul Gaultier

What a killer look. Pretty much flawless.

Keep refreshing, kittens (and we don't mean in the Summer's Eve kind of way)! It's all-Oscars, all day here at T Lo International Communications, Ltd. We'll have the boys post soon and all the after-party looks. So many celebrities to tear down and so little time to do it.


[Photo Credit: getty, wireimage, elle.com, style.com]


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Labels: Armani Privé, Elie Saab, Fashion, Jean Paul Gaultier, L'Wren Scott, Michael Kors, Oscars, Red Carpet, Vivienne Westwood